After following some fellow writer friends’ blogs, I’ve come to realize I must come across as kinda serious on here, which is hilarious since I’m one of the goofiest people I know. I have the mouth of a sailor and the sense of humor of a sixteen-year-old boy, but I guess in an effort to be “professional,” I may have sacrificed personality.

So. Here’s a totally self-indulgent post to prove I am not a robot, no matter what CAPTCHA says. (Completely stolen from fellow Inkspell author Brooke Moss.)

A. Age: Really? We have to start with age? Okay, fine. I’m 32. But I look older (thanks for those genes, Dad). It was cool when I was in high school and got mistaken for a college student or hit on by my boyfriends’ dads, but now? Not so much. Especially when people assume my mother and I are sisters. (Stop dying your hair, Mom!!!)

B. Bed size: Queen, which is not nearly big enough to accommodate me, my husband, the cat, and at least one of our two kids who inevitably end up in there with us.

C. Chore that you hate: Dusting. It just comes back. What’s the point?

D. Dogs: I love them, but just before we moved to Alabama three years ago, our Newfoundland mix got extremely sick and we had to put her down. She was truly a gentle giant and protected our kids like they were her puppies. *sniff*

E. Essential start to your day: Cereal. I could eat it three meals a day. (Which explains a lot … )

F. Favorite color: periwinkle blue — it’s so calming and never goes out of style

G. Gold or Silver: Neither. This is going to sound weird, but I don’t really like jewelry (yeah, my husband hit the jackpot). I only wear my wedding set so people don’t ask questions when I’m toting around two kids. Once I know we’re in for the day, I take them off, too. (The rings, not the kids.) I do, however, love pearls. Which is weird because I have an aversion to round things, like egg yolks and sunflowers …

H. Height: 5’6″, which sounds nice and average, unless you have an extra-long torso and short legs. Again, thanks Dad for those genes.

I. Instruments you play: I took ten years of piano lessons (which will become obvious when you read Want), and I played French horn in middle school and high school. Took a semester of lessons freshman year of college, but that dream died. I also tried violin in high school and SUUUCKED bigtime. Like, cat-in-heat-getting-run-over-by-a-train suckage.

J. Job title: Soon-to-be-published author. SAHM, which is a misnomer. I’ve also been an English professor, waitress, cook, gas station attendant, nonprofit liaison, newspaper copy editor …

K. Kids: Our son is 6 and our daughter is 3. They are beautiful and hilarious. Also, needy. (“Get off my leg!”)

L. Live: Mobile, Alabama, though we just moved here a few years ago. I’m from northeast Ohio. (So no, I don’t have an accent … yet.)

M. Mother’s name: Martha Jayne. No, Jayne’s not her middle name. She doesn’t really have one.

N. Nicknames: Oh, gosh. Um, Steph mostly. A select few people are allowed to call me Stephie. Or Teppie. (YOU ARE NOT ONE OF THEM!) I once had a student call me Stephie and I almost bashed his little freshman head into a desk.

O. Overnight hospital stays: After both kids. I *should* have been in the hospital when I had Lyme Disease. Long story.

P. Pet peeves: When people say they’re going to do something or be somewhere and then flake. Or are very late. I was raised to be very punctual and to keep my word, so I expect them to do the same. Yes, it sets me up for frequent disappointment. I’m working on it.

Q. Quote from a movie: “Don’t throw me down, Clark.” – from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Actually, the whole movie. Every Christmas my family sits around and watches the unedited version and quotes it word for word.

R. Right or left handed: Right-handed, though my parents thought I was going to be left-handed.

S. Siblings: One younger brother. No one makes me laugh like he does.

T. Time you wake up: Physically, I’m up around 6 a.m., but my brain doesn’t kick in till a bit later. 😦

U. Underwear: I prefer boxers on men–oh, me? Um, yes. And that’s all I’m saying. 😉

V. Vegetable you hate: Most of them. I know, I know! I try to be a good example for my kids but the truth is, I pretty much hate them all, especially asparagus, collard greens, cauliflower and green beans. I like broccoli and lettuce and carrots. And ketchup. (Shut up.)

W. What makes you run late: Traffic. Stepping in cat puke on the way out the door. Preschoolers who like to grandstand on the toilet. Hitting the snooze button one too many times because, dang, that was a good dream …

X. X-Rays you’ve had: On my back/neck at the chiropractor; on my feet at the podiatrist. True story: I once had a really hot chiropractor and when he went over my X-rays for the first time and put them up on the back-light thingy, I noticed that the outline of my, um, bosom was also quite visible. He put his hands on the X-ray to mark something–right on my you know–and I couldn’t stop giggling. (Told you I had a guy’s sense of humor.)

Y. Yummy food that you make: I’m a terrible cook. I try, but I don’t enjoy it. I make really great chicken salad; omelets (which I personally hate); vegetable pizza; hamburger soup; and anything out of a box.

(I have no idea what the hell happened to Z. I’ll make one up.)

Z. Zamboni-related story: Freshman year of college I loved to go watch the fights at hockey games. (I know, there’s something wrong with me.) Anyway, every time I went I would almost get hit by a puck. Didn’t matter where I sat, I usually ended up ducking. Also, there’s not really a Zamboni in this story. Oops.

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