Below, the main female protagonist of my ghost story SURRENDER (which I started querying this week–eeep!) is meeting one of the spirits that still haunts Oakleigh Mansion (a real antebellum house in Mobile, Alabama). She’s breaking the rules by going outside at night.
I’d love to know your reactions to the setting and sensory details:
On the balcony, heavy night air carries the sounds of crickets and frogs. The ancient railing is solid beneath my fingers but slick from humidity. The wet dog/rotting fish stench of a nearby swamp blows past and rustles the live oaks in the front yard. The leaves are so loud that I almost don’t hear it.
My name—soft, slow and deep.
*shivers* I’ll have more of Dylan and that spirit in the coming weeks. He’s one of my favorite characters!
As always, be sure to check out the other Six Sentence Sunday participants–it’s so great to see what everyone’s working on, and how much some of them pack into six little sentences. Have a great week!
You give the setting justice. My family’s from Alabama and you transported me to my adolescent summers. I’ve always thought certain places of Alabama have so much history they can’t help but leave remnants of time. Superb Six! I think setting and sensory details are amongst your strengths as a writer.
I just can’t wait till you’re agented, so I’ll be that much closer to reading this in entirety. Looking forward to next Sunday!
Jalisa Blackman (@J_M_Blackman) said:
You do the setting justice. My family’s from Alabama and you
transported me back to my adolescent summers. I’ve always thought certain places of Alabama have so much history they can’t help but leave
remnants of time. Superb Six! Setting/sensory details are clearly amongst your strengths where writing is concerned.
I just can’t wait till you’re agented, so I’ll be that much closer to
reading this in entirety. Looking forward to next Sunday!
Eleri Stone said:
You set the scene wonderfully and I like how you’ve structured the last three sentences. Good luck with the queries!
K.E. Saxon said:
Oooh! Stephanie. That is just GORGEOUS writing! Is the entire story like this? Lovely, lovely, lovely. I got a chill down my spine on that last line. And the imagery was stupendous. (Do you think I liked it, LOL?) Great six!! =D
Ursula Grey said:
Brava! What an amazingly beautiful six…This won’t be out in queryland for long. Excellent work!
angela quarles said:
I agree, excellent setting. Of course I can actually picture it since I know the setting 😉 So glad you’re highlighting our beautiful city! I’m toying with ideas for my next one, and I think it will be set in Mobile as well… Good luck with the queries and see you Thursday!
The details are very evocative. Ghost stories are creepy enough, and your setting is even moreso!
Gemma Parkes said:
Brilliant! Love the descriptive atmosphere building here, well done!
Karyn Good said:
It worked for me! Awesome description, great six!
Elin Gregory said:
Very nice. I enjoyed that very much.
Author Charmaine Gordon said:
Vivid and evocative of another time and place. Beautiful writing.
L.J. Kentowski said:
The description and detail are perfect. I had no problem picturing the scene in my mind. Very intriguing!
Lorraine Paton said:
Great, sensory description. Oh, and I love the “my name” line. 🙂
Alix Cameron said:
Tempeste O'Riley said:
Great setting. I love how real you make it all seem, as if it might be happening to you.
Kate Warren said:
You’ve set the scene well. The wet dog and rotting fish combo is icky. The railing being slick is a nice touch.
Donna Cummings said:
Wonderful description! And the last part made me shiver. Eeek!
Tonya Burrows said:
So I’m reading along, thinking beautiful description, I can see it, nice job–and then I get to the line, “My name—soft, slow and deep.” And I stopped. Had to go back and re-read cuz it gave me a chill. Well done!
Ileandra Young said:
Lovely and atmospheric! Took me right in there.
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